In observance of the coalescence of this year's Fall Classic, here is an appropriately high-brow joke:
Upon the conclusion of the harvest season of 1317 B.C., Bacchus (bah-cuss') - the Roman god of the grape harvest, and of winemaking, and of ritual madness and ecstasy (read: orgies) - decided to throw a party for his favorite pair of deities - Ceres (seer'-ees), the goddess of the grain harvest, and of fertility, and of motherly relationships (wink, wink), and Janus (Jan'-uhss), the two-faced god of beginnings, and transitions, and doors, and gates, and thresholds, and bottlecaps, and jelly jar lids, and anything else that separates two things that can be opened. Bacchus, being an experienced party promoter hired the best DJ, and served the best hors d'oeuvres, and poured the best cocktails. Everyone overdid it, more or less. Ceres, at one point, was staggering and turning in circles; Janus, equally shit-faced, was trying to dance with her. Bacchus feared that the pair might fall over, so he went to steady them.... This marked the first time that a whirled Ceres was held with a double-header.<rimshot>
You're welcome.
